My bottomless pit day

Every once in a while, I have one of those days where no matter what or how much I eat, I am hungry.  Yesterday was one of them. [Heavy sigh.] 

Breakfast was typical and I was satiated for a while, but around 10:00 I needed something to get me to lunch.  I drank half of a protein shake that I keep in my work fridge for emergencies or when I fail to plan.  That did the trick.  At 11:00, I had my daily cup o' joe with the usual single serving of sugar-free creamer.  So far, so good.

Nope...only ate 4

Lunch was deelish...a huge salad with Craisins, chopped apples and a handful of roasted almonds.  Yummo.  Half-hour later, however, I was looking for something sweet.  Ate two FiberOne 90 bars, four Tootsie Roll midgees, a banana and nectarine.  No kidding.  Don't know how it all fit in my teeny little pouch.

Fluffernutters hit the spot

I managed to stay busy enough with work stuff to tide me over until I got home.  I started with another banana, then made myself half of a Fluffernutter (and no, I do not dump on Fluff).  I had used all of my points for the day.  Felt full (sort-of), and proceeded to work out in the yard for three hours (good diversion).

Some days that hole can't be filled

At 9:00pm, exhausted and dirty from getting arborvitae in the ground, I needed a "little" something.  I made a single-serving bag of microwave popcorn...tasted good, but I was still hungry.  I ate the last five of my FH's multigrain Fig Newtons, and immediately beat myself up mentally for not trying to fight the hunger harder.

Oh well.  Today is a new day.  I'm doing better.  Feeling satisfied when I eat.  Moving forward, back on track.  Grateful those days don't come too often.

QUESTION:  Do you have those "bottomless pit" days, too?

(c) Robyn M. Posson 2012   

Deep, Dark, Dirty Secrets

Ooh...they look SO good...

I'm ashamed to admit that I've been a secretive eater my whole life, hoarding food so that no one else would eat it.  I remember hiding Oreos from my children; I didn't want to share them and wanted to savor their chocolatey, creamy goodness all by myself after they had gone to bed. 

More recently, there have been times when I have anxiously waited for my FH (Future Husband) to get in the shower, go to bed before me, mow the lawn, or run out for some errands just so that I could eat snacks that I didn't want him to eat, too.   

Sometimes, however, when I'm feeling "more in control" of eating, I justify hiding my food by telling myself that the snacks are special because they're allowed on Weight Watchers, and I need to keep them separate from FH's snacks in the pantry to stave off temptation. 

After the momentary satisfaction of actually believing this bunk, my mind immediately floods with Guilt (It's so overarching sometimes that it deserves a capital letter).



Liar, liar, panties on fire.



It's amazing (and shameful) the lies I've told to myself and others.

 

 

Tonight I plan to come clean to my FH.  He's always been supportive of everything, and suspect this occasion will be no different.  I will tell him all about the hoarding, hiding and sneaking food and my desire to change this behavior, and will give him examples of how he can support me. 

It will be difficult to say these things that I've NEVER said out loud, but it's a crucial step I need to make toward healthier thinking and behaviors around food.  It will put me back on the path of living in the truth.

QUESTION:  What secrets do you keep about food?

(c) Robyn Posson 2012

"Might as well face it, you're addicted to..."




Love me some cuppycakes!

Food addiction is real.  Our bodies crave and need sugar and fat.  We will stuff our faces with fatty, sugary foods until we can't eat another morsel.  Worse, we feel powerless over these urges.  So what happens when we're dieting or after weight loss surgery when we can't have our fix?  We oftentimes will find a substitute to get those soothing, calm feelings back.  This is called addiction transfer. 

fabandfru.com

Carnie Wilson admitted that after weight loss surgery, she turned to alcohol.  I became a compulsive shopper.

How does this happen?  In my line of work (mental health counseling), we're taught that addiction transfer develops because people try to fill the void in their lives when they are deprived of a particular substance or behavior (in my case, that would be food).   

healthystate.org

Lately, however, there's another school of thought that has a biological explanation.  Scientists have found that the brain chemistry of people who are addicted to food is very similar to that of people dependent on cocaine or alcohol or who compulsively shop or gamble.  So instead of trying to fill an emotional void, addiction transfer may occur because feel-good hormones flood our brains when we self-soothe with a substance or activity similar to polishing off a sleeve of Oreos or a platter of loaded nachos.  (Done both, incidentally.)

"Gonna polish off a pint of Ben & Jerry's..."

My opinion?  It's a combination of both brain chemistry and the cognitive/behavioral need to soothe "icky" feelings like anger, abandonment, and loneliness.  Rather than facing and fully experiencing the entire range of emotions, we go for the quick fix by seeking immediate, temporary gratification with substances or compulsive behaviors.  We substitute one addiction for another when surgery makes it impossible to overeat.   

Weight loss surgery does not cause addictions. Let me repeat that, because it's a really important point to understand:  Weight loss surgery does not cause addictions.  We were addicted to food before going under the knife, and we still have addictive impulses long after the incisions have healed. 

The Diva's Toolbox

The lesson to be learned from addiction transfer is that to lose weight successfully and permanently keep the weight off, we must find a way to treat the cause of our food addiction, and create a toolbox of healthy ways to cope with stressors.  This can be accomplished by getting into counseling and being committed to doing the hard work, so we can finally be free of the hold that food has on us.

QUESTION:  Have you transferred your addiction to food onto another substance or behavior?

Sources:  Limit Addiction Transfer After Bariatric Surgery

Managing Addiction Transfer After Weight Loss Surgery

(c)Robyn M. Posson 2012. All Rights Reserved.