Excuse me! May I (not) have your attention, please?

When I was physically obese, I did everything in my power to make myself invisible.  I wore black and navy blue most of the time, kept my mouth shut and stayed in the background so as not to draw anyone's attention.

Most of the time, it worked.  Other times, I was bullied, and a self-inflicted feeding-frenzy would ensue.  I was subjected to an awful, crazy, maelstrom that jostled me around and bruised me emotionally and psychologically.  I was sabotaging because I was scared to death.  I was a complete mess.


Soon after my WLS, and weight came off very quickly, I found myself still eager to blend into the wallpaper...but none of my old tried-and-true strategies worked anymore.  People noticed that I looked different.  Better.  Prettier.  Sexier.  Date-able.

Can you say uh-oh?

I had not been the recipient of that kind of attention in over twenty years, and emotionally, I felt like an inexperienced, scared (yet curious and titillated) 13-year-old girl in a 45-year-old woman's body.  I waffled between not wanting anyone to notice and relishing the extra attention.  I wanted a boyfriend, but needed to prepare myself for it.


(Anyone currently in this predicament or been there/done that?) 

Yes, I believe that would be me.

This is what I did to gain control over my life and prepare to date again: 

Love notes to yourself.

Put a sticky-note on every mirror in the house with positive affirmations ("Keep it up...you're doing great!"  "Damn, you're smart!"  "Hey, there, stone-cold fox!"  "You are beautiful inside and out," etc.) and say them out loud every time you see them.  You're to "lather-rinse-repeat" until you actually believe what the notes say.
 

No truer words were written.

Write down all of your positive qualities, and don't be shy about it.  List absolutely everything you like and love about yourself, and take as much time you need with this exercise.  Examples are:  cat lover, beautiful hair, smart, loves kids, volunteers in the community, good listener, kind, organized, etc.  This list works to help boost your self-confidence.


Assess your life in terms of personal satisfaction, education, career, social activities, financial security, health, family and social relationships, etc.  This exercise will take a good amount of time, if you do it correctly.  Doing so will clarify those areas which are strong and stable, and those that need some shoring up.  You can't expect to have a healthy relationship with someone else if your life is crumbling around you.  The goal is this:  When you know that your life is satisfying and peaceful, you don't "need" but want a partner, and you can easily support yourself for the rest of your life and be okay with living single if you had to, that's the time to put yourself in the dating world.  Not before.

You are not limited to only 10 items

Make a laundry list of required qualities you seek in a partner.  This list must include every non-negotiable quality in your potential partner, such as "non-smoker, gainfully employed, curly hair, speaks about other women respectfully," etc.  It doesn't have to be done all in one sitting; as you think of other positive characteristics you seek, add to the list.  Dream BIG.  Be specific.  You deserve absolutely everything you want and require from your future partner.

He 'da man!

 Read Steve Harvey's book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man.   It clearly explains how men operate in terms of relationships, and personally, this book changed my mindset forever.  It's a great book to refer to regularly to keep you focused on what you want and need, especially when you meet a cutie who wants your "cookie" before the 90 days are up.  (Read it and you'll get what I mean.)

It should be obvious the purpose for these exercises is 1) learning to love yourself, 2) be emotionally, socially and financially self-sufficient, and 3) know exactly what you want--and what you will not tolerate--in your current and future relationships.  These are absolute musts to get you to your most Fabulous Self and the life you always wanted and deserve.


You'll then be ready to handle and appreciate all that attention coming your way, you Gorgeous Diva!

(c) Robyn M. Posson 2012.  All Rights Reserved.